Garudmaachi: Conquering FEAR

 

[Praj Industries Ltd. is a Company which has evolved on vision and as well as the rich embedded values. To pursue its goals, it gives highest importance to training and uplifting its employees to face the challenges and thereby meeting its objectives. Growth of its personnel and as well as its own growth automatically gets achieved. I am always grateful for getting such varied learning opportunities in this company]

For many years I thought that I am fearless. I did not have any fear of any kind of unexpected event. This feeling helped me many times in remaining calm and taking composed, instantaneous decisions and implementing them. I always boastingly used to ask, “What is the meaning of ‘fear’? I do not know the meaning of ‘fear’”.

An event was in pipeline, arranged by our Company – Praj Industries Ltd. – and it was mostly for our Manufacturing Division, though the group was a mixed one, containing participants of other divisions as well. I heard that it was related to ‘Adventure Sports’. I had very little exposure to sports since my childhood except football (that too as a goalkeeper – do read http://onlybeingthere.blogspot.com/2012/01/match.html). Hence I was reluctant at first and started to say, “Who will look after the workshop? I will stay back!”. But it became clear immediately that I had to attend it.

The event was at Garudmaachi (http://www.garudmaachi.com/) and Mr. Vasant Vasant Limaye, founder of “High Places”, and an adventure sport enthusiast, is very meticulous and observant. His skills in analyzing the person’s or a group’s behavior through the exposure to different situations in the activities and comment on them for improvements were impeccable.

When we reached Garudmaachi, it was evening. There was one game we played that late evening and then it was dinner time.

I shall not explain here various games we played since it is best to experience them by attending these eye-opening sessions at Garudmaachi. One begins to know one’s own self in a best way and his/her required contribution in to building an integral and sustainable team.

From next day onwards our sessions of various games began. Everything was very well organized and all the Garudmaachi staff was very well trained, attentive, and organized.

For every kind of unique game, there used to be different small groups. Composition of these groups changed for different games and hence I had an opportunity to play with these varied groups. From last night’s game, I had a better idea of the requirements. By sheer luck, the group in which I belonged always won. Only thing which I persuaded the others in my group was not to be in the first three groups. Observing the game, understanding it, identifying the key factors of success, and strategically planning to win with attention to team synchronization points was the key. As it is a game, I again say that winning of all the teams in which I belonged was a pure luck!

The next day, we were brought in front of a four-five storied tower with a vertical wall. I heard the meaning of rappelling and decided that this game was not for me. Since there were many participants, I felt that my absence will go unnoticed. How wrong was I? Can anything get missed from VVL’s eyes?

Reluctantly I began to climb the stairs. When I climbed up, the first thing I did was to make a video clip of the beautiful surroundings.

Then, as the next two candidates were ready to climb down, I looked down and suddenly there was a big lump in my throat. I remember, even in that chilling cold, I was profusely perspiring. At a very unconscious level, I think, I decided that I am NOT going to climb down. Then I began to search in my mind for a suitable and respectable excuse. I couldn’t find any. As I began to move gradually towards the stairs back, one attendant noticed me and asked me why I am going down. I said that I am thirsty. He promptly gave me his water bottle!

With lots of persuasion of the attendants, I made myself ready to climb down. They had instructed to make myself perpendicular to that vertical wall once I stand on the open edge with all the ropes at their proper places and gradually release the rope from my left hand at the back and from my right hand at front and ‘simply walk on the wall backwards’. But when I stood on the edge and was trying to make myself perpendicular, I made a mistake to look down below and all the strength in my legs suddenly vanished. The next moment, I do not know how, I was again inside on that terrace. One can imagine what reflex actions must have happened from me. By this time, I had lost all the feelings related to shame. Let anyone think of anything. Let me be a talk of the town! It didn’t matter at that time.

VVL was seeing this from the bottom and after a few minutes I suddenly realized that he was standing next to me. I do not know when he climbed that four storied tower. He asked me very calmly about my feelings, my anxiety and my fear and I was telling him that I simply did not wish to do this. After a while, I calmed down and he said that there are two choices – either I can go back through the stairs or through rappelling, but I shall always remember this episode afterwards for many years including the choice I make just now. I do not know how, but his words propelled me and it worked! He also stationed one attendant below me to overcome my fear of fall and that is how I walked down.

The feeling of that walk was really wonderful, and every step down was like climbing vertically 100 feet up!

Once I reached the bottom, I heard clapping from all of my colleagues, as if I had done a great thing! However, instead of getting cheered up, I suddenly felt an overwhelming shame propelling me to a very depressing gloomy mood, though this phase was very temporary.

In the evening, we assembled and VVL asked us to share the experience one by one. It was an unique experience, and many said so. I simply said that it was wonderful. He asked me to explain further. Now what I can say?

He then narrated a story about his wife. She had not done proper rappelling earlier and when VVL came to know about this, he arranged it from the terrace of his building. She was very reluctant to do it and finally did it after a lot of persuasion from VVL. When he asked about her fear, she said that she did not have the fear of rappelling but felt reluctance by thinking of what the people around their building, watching this event with curiosity, may say!

It was a subtle cue and I grabbed it. I said that being an expert in welding, I checked the welding of the steel structure, the wounding of the ropes and was assured about the safety features. (A slight deviation from the subject matter: You boast that you are an expert in a particular field, then gradually people too begin to say the same about you and as years pass, you automatically become an authentic expert!)

I further said that I was not worried about falling if the fall results in sudden death. But what if I get crippled and cannot walk for the rest of my life? I will become dependent, I did not like this! My self-esteem will get compromised. This thought was troubling me.

I utilized the face-saving opportunity offered by VVL with this explanation. Now I think that he may have created the story about his wife just to soothe my self-esteem. His wife is also a mountaineer and trekking is one of her hobbies too.

Let me admit that the fear I felt was a very real and a naked feeling. Any kind of words and explanations cannot describe or diminish that feeling which I felt at that time. Much research is needed on this element called as “FEAR”. I also realized that I am not FEARLESS. Courage is not absence of Fear but one’s ability to overcome Fear! In future life, whenever I felt fear, I tried to reduce it by remembering this incident and how I came out of it with help of VVL. And this is the greatest gift given by him to me.